You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
