I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Randomize
