God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
