I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
