Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
