i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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