Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I met the friendliest cop last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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