This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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