This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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