she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
