I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
