i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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