One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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