put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
