I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
