So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
