Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
