I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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