the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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