Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my being single is dangerous.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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