no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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