things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
