you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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