You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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