You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
