i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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