when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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