I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
