i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
