you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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