I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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