my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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