He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to align my fucking chakras
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