i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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