Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
