he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
