I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
