I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
