I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
