I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
