We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
