no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't notice because vodka
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
