Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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