My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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