You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
