when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
