fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
