I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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