smell my finger.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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