Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
