thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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