This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
