pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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