So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
