so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
