So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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