office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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