but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
