Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
