i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
