How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
