Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
