maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
