So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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