If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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