Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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