One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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